I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
