I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
