I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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