Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
