If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
