where am i from again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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