Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your penis caused this!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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