have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
