I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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