areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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