Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Two words: blizzard sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
