I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
