She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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