I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
