did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
