She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
