Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
