I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
