Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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