Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
