he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize