Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
