Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
