My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize