there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
