I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
