I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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