There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
