Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize