There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
