i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
