Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize