did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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