Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
