Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
