where am i from again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
