My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Watching her eat just hurts me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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