Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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