i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We're like a lot better than the average bears
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
