I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
