Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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