Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize