I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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