dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
