why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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