Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
