That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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