I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I have vodka in my lungs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
