woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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