Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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