lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
