my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
