you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
