I hate your face
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize