I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
