Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
