First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
tell me about the fingering
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