let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
