You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
