She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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