it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
