i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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