five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
