Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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