absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
