I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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