Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
