I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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