People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
