life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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