can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
