I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
