No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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