Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
