it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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