They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
