You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
