I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
