Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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