just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
