i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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