sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
