Where is the hickey?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
