He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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