Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
