Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I FOUND THE LEGS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
