Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
