You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
