I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
