I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
