man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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