He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
