Even the bartender felt bad for me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
